I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
