A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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