Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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