And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
