I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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