What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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