Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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