I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
