Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after