Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?