I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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Is it penis luge time yet?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.