I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.