there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would fuck him just for his dog
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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