I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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