did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
bring money and cleavage
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
