how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize