I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.