I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.