I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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