Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
