i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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