I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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