I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
