So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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