this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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