i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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