she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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