Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
