Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
