I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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