had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
