Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
