i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
50% drunk capacity currently
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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