I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
