i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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