return my video game
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.