My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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