If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
