It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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