1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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