I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
