last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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