tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
