I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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