Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize