Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize