just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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