Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
