evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
