Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
