Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
