If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
