go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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