I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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