please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
