i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
