I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
