I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
