I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
