I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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