I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
