after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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