Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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