i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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