it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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