I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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