I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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