i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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